Super Selfish

I know blog slacker yet again. Anyway I have been having a selfish day today and it started last night. Jesse and I were doing our usually TV flipping and channel surfing and we came across a show that was about teen mothers and giving up their babies for adoption and believe me I am an advocate for adoption. It broke my heart to have to think about giving my baby away, I mean I do not have my own but I could not even think of handing my child to someone else and saying goodbye. These thoughts lead me to think about Johanna.

As I have said before her story is Nikki's to tell but I have times that I have deep sadness over her not being with us. I know she is with my Lord and she is forever perfect and healthy and will never suffer. But on days like today I am selfish and I want to hold her and buy her Christmas and buy dresses and spoil her with the love of an Uncle and Aunt that are crazy about her. Walking through the stores and seeing the sweet dresses and baby toys I think about her, when I see babies, or hear them cry I think about her, she is forever with me. I do not say much or show much but she touched my heart in away that I could never really explain, and I will never forget her perfect little face until I see her again in Eternity.